Preheat your oven to 350°F (175°C). Line muffin tin with cupcake liners and pretend this is a stress-free project.
In a large bowl, whisk flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt, and both sugars.
In a separate bowl, mix coffee, plant milk, oil, vinegar, and vanilla. Stir like your life depends on it.
Combine wet and dry ingredients. Mix until smooth but don’t overdo it—cupcakes have boundaries too.
Pour batter evenly into the liners. Bake for 18–20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean-ish.
Let them cool completely unless you enjoy melting frosting and disappointment.
For the frosting, beat all ingredients together until creamy. Adjust coffee for more mocha drama.
Frost cooled cupcakes. Pipe with flair or slather with chaos—it all tastes fabulous.
Place on a charcuterie board with fruits, nuts, chocolate, and possibly a mirror to admire yourself.
Serve with confidence and maybe coffee because you're classy and caffeinated.