Melt the chocolate chips using a double boiler or microwave—don’t burn them or we’ll judge.
In a blender, toss in the tofu, melted chocolate, espresso, maple syrup, vanilla, and salt.
Blend until silky smooth. Not kinda smooth. Beyoncé-smooth.
Scrape down the sides and blend again to make sure no weird tofu chunk is hiding.
Spoon into cute glasses or bowls. Bonus points if they’re mismatched and you call it “rustic.”
Chill for 30 minutes or until set enough to scoop like you have manners.
Top with cacao nibs, coconut whip, or whatever makes you feel like a Pinterest queen.
Serve cold and prepare for dramatic moaning and compliments.