Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease and line your cake pans like you mean business.
Mix flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. Be thorough. Dry clumps are the enemy.
In another bowl, cream butter and both sugars until it looks fluffy and feels unnecessary to stop.
Add eggs one at a time. Stir in sour cream, coffee, milk, and vanilla. Let it get weird—but smooth.
Gradually mix dry into wet. Batter should look rich, not confused.
Pour into pans. Bake for 33–35 minutes. Use a toothpick if you don’t trust your oven.
Let cakes cool. They need the rest. You do too.
For syrup: combine coffee, sugar, and hot water. Stir until dissolved. Brush cakes generously. No stingy strokes.
For buttercream: beat butter until light. Add powdered sugar, cocoa, dissolved coffee, and vanilla. Beat until it's frosting, not soup.
Stack layers with frosting in between. Coat the top and sides. Press hazelnuts into frosting like you’re fancy.
Chill before slicing if you want perfect layers. Or dig in like the unhinged hero you are.