When life falls apart, slap some mocha dark chocolate bark on it—instantly classier and a thousand times more delicious than therapy.
This bark delivers bold espresso drama and deep cocoa vibes, without the relationship baggage or emotional breakdowns.
You can make it faster than your mascara runs during sad girl season.
It’s crunchy, intense, sweet, and bitter—basically how you feel watching your ex thrive.
Every bite snaps like your last nerve, but tastes like comfort wrapped in caffeine.
No dairy, no regrets, just pure chocolate rebellion.
Let’s bark up the right tree, darling.
Mocha Dark Chocolate Bark
Mocha dark chocolate bark that’s crunchy, dramatic, and vegan. Perfect for gift-giving or solo snacking in bed while judging Netflix plot holes.
Ingredients
- 200 g vegan dark chocolate at least 70% cocoa
- 1½ tsp instant espresso powder
- ¼ tsp cinnamon optional, for sass
- 2 tbsp chopped almonds to bring crunch
- 2 tbsp crushed espresso beans more drama
- Pinch of sea salt for contrast, like your texts
Instructions
- Line a baking sheet with parchment. Pretend you’re a professional chocolatier with emotional range.
- Melt chocolate in a heatproof bowl over simmering water. Don’t microwave unless you like heartbreak.
- Stir in espresso powder and cinnamon while whispering sweet nothings to your reflection.
- Pour onto the sheet and spread it into a thin layer with flair.
- Sprinkle almonds, crushed espresso beans, and sea salt like you’re blessing the chaos.
- Chill in the fridge for 30 minutes or until firm enough to slap.
- Break into pieces. Snack like you didn’t promise to “save some for later.”
Notes
🔍 Nutritional Info (Per Serving)
- Calories: 160
- Total Fat: 11g
- Saturated Fat: 5g
- Carbohydrates: 14g
- Fiber: 3g
- Protein: 2g
💊 Vitamins & Minerals (Per Serving)
- Iron: 8%
- Magnesium: 6%
- Potassium: 4%
- Copper: 5%
- Zinc: 3%
✨ Additional Notes / Flavor Glow-Ups
- Add dried cherries or cranberries for fruity sass.
- Want it spicy? Sprinkle chili flakes like a culinary villain.
- Use peppermint extract during winter so your in-laws think you tried.
- Store in a sealed container or directly in your mouth.
- Makes an excellent passive-aggressive gift to your favorite frenemy.
