Brew your coffee strong enough to make you question your life choices. Let it cool.
Melt the chocolate gently using a double boiler or microwave (30 seconds, stir, repeat).
In a blender, add silken tofu, coffee, maple syrup, vanilla, and salt.
Blend until smooth, like your ex wishes they were.
Pour in the melted chocolate and blend again until thick and creamy.
Divide the mixture into cute little glasses like you’re on a fancy baking show.
Chill for at least 30 minutes or until set.
Top with shaved chocolate, berries, or edible flowers if you’re feeling fabulous.
Serve cold with a side of smug satisfaction.
Store leftovers in the fridge—if any survive.