Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C), and grease your pan like the responsible queen you are.
Whisk flaxseed with water and let it sit while you pretend it’s working hard.
In a large bowl, mix pumpkin purée, sugar, maple syrup, coffee, oil, vanilla, and flax egg.
In another bowl, whisk flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking soda, powder, and salt.
Combine dry and wet ingredients, stir until smooth and emotionally stable.
Pour batter into the pan and spread evenly like your favorite foundation.
For streusel, mash flour, sugar, cinnamon, espresso, and oil together until crumbly and glorious.
Sprinkle topping evenly over batter—don’t be stingy.
Bake for 35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean but not emotionally distant.
Let cool before slicing unless you love third-degree tongue burns.